New mum anxiety
Research has shown, that 70% of new and expectant mothers have experienced Ill health during or after pregnancy.
Being responsible for a new life can feel overwhelming at times, and it is only natural to worry about how you will manage.
For me, the anxiety started from day 1. I was anxious about breastfeeding (or rather not getting the hang of it!) and having to resort to formula which had never been part of the plan. I felt immense guilt at not being able to breastfeed, as ‘breast is best’ had been drummed into me from various sources during my pregnancy – I hadn’t even packed formula in my hospital bag as I naively just assumed breast feeding would work for us. Every time I had to ask for more formula from the midwives, I felt embarrassed which then put more pressure on me and increased my anxiety.
The anxiety just evolved from there, as you will have read previously Jack was very unsettled due to his CMPI and reflux. I felt that everyone was looking at me and wondering why I couldn’t console my own baby and get him to stop crying, so I stopped going out. I never went out on my own with Jack, I would spend most of my days at home only going out to walk our dog as this was one of the one thing that would settle Jack, being in the sling and going for a walk.
I was actually really excited about going back to work and doing my keeping in touch (KIT) days as a Nurse as this meant I had a chance to be away from the crying and could feel more like me again. I think I did my first KIT day at 5 months post-partum. I never had any worries about leaving Jack, which I know is lucky as lots of mums find it difficult to leave their babies with other people. From day one though, my mum had been by my side taking in in turns to sleep on the sofa and look after Jack so I never worried about him being with her as she knew all his routines and behaviours as well as I did. I will be forever grateful to my mum for how involved she was with Jack, and how much she supported me through what was definitely the toughest year of my life.
I worried hugely about how I would cope when Finn was born (Jack was 13 months when Finn was born) as I already felt like a shell of my pre baby self and hadn’t enjoyed motherhood so far. However, for me, having Finnley is what helped me with my anxiety. He had none of the health problems that Jack had as a baby, and this gave me validation that it wasn’t me as a mum that had caused Jack to be unsettled. Finnley took to breastfeeding from day one and refused to take a bottle! He really did save me in many ways.
I guess what I am trying to say, is that no two babies are the same and no one will have the same journey or feelings as another. But what I will say, is that your feelings are valid and that you should listen to them and seek help if you need to. There is no shame in it, being a mum is tough, and it really does take a village…..
PANDA’S foundation - Home – PnD – Postnatal Depression Support – PANDAS Foundation UK
Steps 2 Wellbeing – www.steps2wellbeing.co.uk
MIND – www.mind.org.uk
